While babysitting earlier today, I was treated to an hour of "Animal Planet" viewing. And just for the record, Animals Really Aren't My Thing. Puppies and kittens are cute, and I would love a giraffe pocket pet, but really I'm more of a human lover than an animal lover. That is why the topic of "Humanimals" baffles me to my very core. You may be wondering, as I was, what exactly is a "Humanimal"? Welp, it's a hybrid human-animal, or in layman's terms, a person who feels as though they are truly an animal spirit trapped inside a human body. It's kind of like being transgendered...or i suppose, transspecied. Now, I'm not judging - just so intrigued and also confused as to how this works out for these Humanimals.

From what I gathered, there are two types of Humanimals. The first type is what you would call a "body modifier", who do things like get illegal surgery in panama in order to make their profiles look more like their chosen animal. Or get their tongue spliced in order to more accurately represent their lizard-like ambitions. Consider this example:

Now, this man is so dedicated to living life as a lizard that he has had numerous surgeries, often traveling outside of the u.s. to get risky operations. he's had his teeth filed, tongue cut, and tattoos of lizard skin cover his body. You really have got to admire that sort of dedication - that's a lot of pain to endure for a lifestyle a lot of people will mock. What pluck.

The second type of "Humanimal", and the kind I find personally less understandable (but still, not judging) are "Furries". These are people who choose to show that they are an animal spirit not by deforming their bodies, but rather by donning large fur costumes, and then do not speak but rather "transform" in and out of their animalistic personas.

Now to me, this just seems like kind of a cop out. I mean, if you're going to go animal, I say go balls to the wall. If you're going to publicly admit that you were born the wrong species, then I think you should have enough gumption to not just slip in and out of your animal role by parading around town like a mascot. As I see it, Furries are like the pussy bitches of the Humanimal world. Essentially they are making a mockery out of their body modifier peers! Wow, now that I'm writing this all out I'm getting pretty heated on behalf of the real Humanimals! They should hire me as their PR agent, seeing as many of them chose to communicate solely in their "native" (read: animal) tongue. But yeah, Furries - who do you think you are? Stop shaming the name of good Humanimals everywhere. Man up! Or, rather...Animal up.