Top 5 Friend Groups I'd Like To Infiltrate:

5. Zooey & Emily Deschanel

But really, Zooey & Emily's alter-ego Temperance Brennan of Bones fame. Because Zooey D. makes everything shine a little brighter, even the vomit-inducing monstrosity that was Yes Man. Remember her 4 episode arc on Weeds?? If that wasn't comedic genius, I'm not sure what is. Plus, have you seeeen her closet in that Cotton commercial? Tell me that's not one you'd like to raid. And then there's big sis, Tempy Bren. The funniest forensic anthropologist I've ever seen on prime-time! She may not be great at girl talk because she doesn't understand pop culture or basic human emotions, but both sisters can sing so I foresee a lot of fun karaoke nights where we dress up in cool indie Zooey clothes.

4. The Cast of One Tree Hill

Because how fun do all their parties look? Such carefree delight! Well, except that time the sex tape came out and everyone rioted. But seriously! That lack of parental supervision and surplus of hot, basketball playing men is really just a recipe for a kick ass youth. And, if I were friends with Haley & P. Sawyer, I would meet a lot of musicians (but cooler ones than lame-o Pete Wentz), if I were friends with Brooke I would get a lot of trendy free clothes, if I were friends with Nathan I'd meet a lot of pro ballers, and Lucas - well, he always lends a shoulder to cry on and can find a literary quote for any occasion. Plus, Tree Hill looks like such a fun place to live! Yeah, there's a lot of dramatic events like kidnappings and car accidents and shootings, but really what is drama other than the spice of life?

3. Barack Obama & Rahm Emanuel

Because they look like such fun loving guys, it's hard not to believe that what we don't see in the Oval Office plays out pretty much like any episode of West Wing - global issues being solved with sharp wit, office romances, inspirational staffer speeches, and an odd appearance of the Jackal. I mean, what else could they be doing back there? But they are so cool because they like, lead the country! That's tough shit! They have to deal with the Middle East nuclear tension, homeland security threats, and Evangelicals - a true trio of terror, and yet they never lose their cool. They lead the country, but they look cool while doing it (much cooler than Hil would have looked in her pastel pantsuits), and I just envision a lot of intellectual conversations peppered with wit while we stroll along the White House grounds.

2. Tina Fey & Amy Poehler

Because Tina is my number 1 celebrity girl crush. Because she's the greatest, and her bff Amy therefore must also be so great, based on the law of transference. The two of them have given us amazing comedy over the years - Mean Girls is practically the Citizen Kane of this century, and that SNL Election 2008 stuff? Turning something as terrifying as Sarah Palin into laughter takes some serious gumption. They're funny girls yes, but they are also politically savvy, and have great writing skills. Funny with brains? Is there a rarer combination to find in this world?! Talk about having it all! Furthermore, being friends with Tina & Amy would give me access to adorable and well-named children, as they each have one. What more could a girl ask for?

1. I mean, who else?

Because we're already old friends. Have been since 1994. Truth be told, I infiltrated this group like a billion years ago. Back when Courteney was Arquette-less, and Joey had VD. Because I already know everything about them! I know their memories and their stories and I know who has slept with whom. I was there when that pimp spit in Phoebe's mouth, when that girl stuffed her pants with a tootsie roll to look like the rumored hermaphrodite Rachel, when the pool boy/father fucker asked Chandler if he wanted more turkey. I've been to a lot of Ross' weddings, even more of his divorce parties. Because when you get these six together, it's the absolute best of times. It's better than being at Disneyland at Christmastime on Prozac. Because secrets come flying out, sarcastic comments are plentiful, and you're always laughing at someone's expense but knowing you all love each other. There is nothing funnier than learning your friend made out with a 51 year old librarian in high school. Nothing funnier than learning about a nubbin. Nothing greater than getting married at the cafe where the six of you have been drinking out of jumbo cups for over a decade. Nothing greater than friends.